January 12, 2010

Bucs Bloggers Unite Against Baseball Hooliganism

PITTSBURGH, Pa. / January 12, 2010

Dearest Pirate hooligans,

It is with a heavy heart and much reflection that we write this open letter decrying your recent actions. For while your love of the Pirates is admirable and transcends even our own love of lefthanded pitching, your behavior is simply unacceptable and threatens to besmirch the great reputation of Pirates fans worldwide.

The Pittsburgh Pirates are lucky to have dedicated fans who are willing to travel to support their ball club, and the club certainly appreciates you. Your constant purchases of merchandise and tickets paid Craig Monroe's salary for the entire month of April 2009.

Even some of your illegal actions were lighthearted and funny. In 2007 we smiled when you hitchhiked to Durham, North Carolina, just to add the words "Zach" and "Rules" to every sign at the local college campus. But in 2009 you went too far. Beating retired Jays fans at Spring Training in Dunedin, Florida, with their own canes? We hate those assholes too, but you only do that shit in Fort Myers. And nobody likes to be swept at a field named after a crappy beer...But throwing full 24-ouncers of Iron City at Denver elementary school windows the next morning just took things too far when empties would have gotten your point across.

Baseball is a family sport, and we need families to feel safe at the ballpark in order for the Pirates to crack the top 27 in MLB attendance. That's not going to happen when my aunt from Wheeling gets beaten with an authentic Joe Randa game-used bat for wearing an Indians hat to PNC Park.

And the little things count too. For example, you may have noticed that we referred to the "F'ing championship" in our last post. That's because "World Fucking Championship" is not family friendly language for a baseball site. Even though "World Fucking Championsip" is really cool to type, we just didn't type it because we want, and need, a Family Friendly F'ing Championship.

While we envy your team spirit, Pirates hooligans, you must keep your criminal activity at acceptable levels. Reluctantly, Pirates WFC Blog hereby hopes for a 2010 marked by vandalism, but not violence.


Pirates WFC Blog Staff

1 comment:

  1. The problem is, the Pirates insist on practically giving away alcohol to their fans at no cost, even at road games.

    They really need to reign in this type of behavior, or else somebody is going to get killed.