January 11, 2010

He's Like A Modern Day Gary Varsho

PITTSBURGH, Pa. / January 11, 2010

Either unknown terrorists have been maliciously spreading 4th oufielder rumors around the NL Central, or the Pirates are close to a deal with Ryan Church. We will assume scenario #2.

This blog's staff wholeheartedly supports the move. Winning a F'ing Championship requires having players like Ryan Church on the roster - a guy who can play all three outfield positions well, is happy with a bench role but is also capable of starting every day.

The 31-year-old Church has put up numbers of .272/.345/.441 for his career while playing mostly in pitcher's parks. He would probably begin the season on the bench with Jeff Clement at first and Milledge-McCutchen-Jones across the outfield. He would serve as a fine insurance policy in case Milledge, Jones or Clement get injured or have disappointing years. Though Church can play a solid center field, DiMaggio's Second Coming started every game there after his 2009 call-up so Church will see most of his playing time at the corners.

The fact that the Pirates are looking for another outfielder is also a promising indication of who might be left off the roster. There's no way the Pirates carry more than five outfielders, so either Brandon Moss or Rule V pick John Raynor will probably not make the team. Hopefully it's Moss. The dude batted fifth for the whole month of April and had one RBI. RBI being a flawed stat and all, you still like to see more than one a month.

Meanwhile, Raynor's offense was absolutely sick for the UNC-Wilmington Seahawks and that's worth two Eric Hinskes. While it's rare for a World F'ing Champion to carry a Rule V player, there's an exception for anyone who averaged more than a run and RBI a game in Seahawk teal.

In conclusion, tie game, top 9, World Series Game 7, you want Church off the bench facing Mariano Rivera rather than Ronny Cedeno. After scoring the winning run, he can stay in in right field for defense moving Jones to first. Hopefully this signing is real and not the terrorists.

1 comment:

  1. Good picture choice. I like to have as many former Expos as possible on the roster.