January 8, 2010

It Turns Out There's Nothing To Post About Spring Training

PITTSBURGH, Pa. / January 8, 2010

It's the evening of Friday, January 8, and we're already drunk. But as forward-thinking drunks, even while debating between an additional unnecessary 6-pack and an additional unnecessary case, we're also wondering: How can we get drunk at 12:05 p.m. Tuesday, March 2?

Luckily, that's the date and time of the Pirates' annual charity exhibition against Manatee Community College. The game coincidentally will be played at the same time as the Pirates-Manatee Community College Drinking Game.

1. Chug one beer every time Manatee Community College changes its name to State College of Florida, Manatee-Sarasota.

2. You should have chugged that beer on July 1, 2009. Chug a second beer to catch up.

3. Shit, we're not caught up at all. Imagine how drunk we would be if we started drinking in July. We would wake up tomorrow morning with no memory of how Chris Bootcheck even got on the team.

4. There's no Pens game tonight.

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