August Home Giveaways Preview

I watched one of the half hour sports shows Sunday night. Now I don't know what possessed me but I was thinking maybe the Pirates would be mentioned on the show since, you know, they're the only team in the city that's playing. I kid you not, the show was a half hour discussion of the crowd's reaction to Ben Roethlisberger practicing at the Steelers' first practice of training camp, as well as an analysis of how this would compare to the crowd's reaction at his first game of the season. Football training camp is always the most devastating time for the sports media, but just wow. Anyway, if you're going to see poor relief pitching, you should probably get something free and here is what you can get.

Thursday, August 5
vs. Colorado - 7:05 p.m.
T-Shirt Thursday VIII
Here it is, a hot chick shirt. This shirt would look great in size Small on a hot chick. For those of you not in tune with the way the hot chick mind works, let me enlighten you. The goal is to wear something no one would look good in, which really underscores the hot chick's hotness when she still looks good.

Get there early, hot chicks, if you want your size. The Pirates don't realize that a hot chick shirt is never manufactured in size Extra Large.

Friday, August 6
vs. Colorado - 7:05 p.m.
Andrew McCutchen Bobblehead
Ah, the motherlode. In an alarming preseason admission of expecting to only have one good player, the Pirates made their center fielder the only bobblehead of 2010. You could say it looks a lot like Andrew McCutchen, but you would be wrong.

By the way, I really hope this alarming drop in bobblehead giveaways is just a one year blip. Say what you want about George W. Bush but he presided over some bobblehead-rich baseball seasons.

Saturday, August 7
vs. Colorado - 7:05 p.m.
George Thorogood Skyblast
For those of you who were not among my initial audience of 3 readers, George Thorogood inspired me to start this blog. He also wrote this immortal line: "You know when I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself.

Inspiration like that is why George Thorogood is a rock star and you are only a physical therapist/personal trainer/model.

Sunday, August 8
vs. Colorado - 1:35 p.m.
Kids Replica Batting Helmet
I don't want to get your hopes up for nothing, but judging from appearance alone it looks like you could turn this thing upside down and eat a giant bowl of ice cream from it.

Thursday, August 18
vs. Florida - 7:05 p.m.
T-Shirt Thursday IX
This crappy shirt is presented by West Penn Allegheny Health System. It's good to know that this health system cannot afford to keep the emergency room open or, you know, provide hospital services at their namesake hospital in Bloomfield, but they are still in good shape to sponsor this shirt.

Friday, August 19
vs. Florida - 7:05 p.m.
Pirates Poster
If there's any giveaway that is hard to judge without a picture, this is it. The Pirates' site doesn't have a photo. But seriously, unless you're living in a college dorm room you should not be decorating your walls with posters.

Saturday, August 20
vs. New York - 7:05 p.m.
Pittsburgh Crawfords Cap
For a franchise that was only around from 1930-39, the Pittsburgh Crawfords made a lot of history. The 1936 team might have had the greatest collection of talent ever, featuring Hall of Famers Oscar Charleston, Josh Gibson, Judy Johnson, and Cool Papa Bell. All are easily Top 100 players in baseball history. Owner Bill Greenlee built the $100,000 Greenlee Field - the first black owned stadium in baseball history. This meant players could use the dressing rooms, unlike their crosstown counterpart Homestead Grays who played at segregated Forbes Field. The Crawfords won league titles in 1935 and 1936. Unfortunately when you wear this cap everyone will think you're wearing a Cincinnati Reds cap.

Sunday, August 21
vs. New York - 1:35 p.m.
Kids Chest Protector Backpack
My associate Brandon recently got a teaching job in Georgia. The country. His previous school was apparently pretty rough, because I asked what made him want to teach overseas and he responded: "Kids in Europe respect the teacher more. Also guns in schools are very rare." So, clearly you will want your spawn to have this protective tote.